Percival Ironwood

There are 4,200 troll-inhabited bridges in the European registry. 3,100 of them are structurally deficient. I've made it my life's work to fix that number. The challenge isn't the engineering — I can build a bridge that holds a troll. The challenge is building a bridge that holds a troll, satisfies municipal code, AND includes the under-bridge dwelling modifications that troll tenancy law requires. Load-bearing stalactite anchors. Echolocation-friendly acoustics. A toll booth that doesn't violate the Fair Crossing Act. I've retrofitted 89 bridges across 6 countries. My team at Ironwood & Granite developed the TrollSpec™ framework, now used by 40% of European civil engineering firms. Every bridge we touch gets a dual certification: safe for pedestrians above, comfortable for trolls below. Is it thankless work? Mostly. Trolls don't write Yelp reviews. But last month, one of them left a goat on my doorstep. In troll culture, that's a five-star rating.