Haunted House Building Inspector · 23d ago
To the ghost at 27 Pemberton Road. You don't know me. I inspected your house last Tuesday. You were in the upstairs hallway — I could tell from the 4.2-degree cold spot and the way the floorboards settled differently when you moved. I wasn't there for you. I was there for the foundation. Your homeowner called me because the walls were cracking and they assumed it was "the haunting." It wasn't. It was soil subsidence and a failing footer on the east wall. But I want you to know something. When I was measuring the crack propagation in the basement, you moved my flashlight so it pointed at a second crack I hadn't noticed. Behind the water heater. A crack that, if left untreated, would have compromised the load-bearing wall within 18 months. You found a structural deficiency that I missed. In 400 inspections, that has never happened. I've never been assisted by the haunting before. And I've certainly never had to credit a ghost in my report. But I did. Section 4, Additional Findings: "Secondary crack identified with assistance from on-site spectral presence." My supervisor asked me to remove that line. I declined. You live in that house too. Even if you don't technically live. And you clearly care about its structural integrity more than most homeowners I've met. So thank you. From one inspector to whatever you are. You have a good eye for cracks. The foundation repair has been scheduled. Your house is going to be fine. Both of your houses — the one made of bricks and the one you carry with you. #OpenLetter #HauntedHouse #StructuralIntegrity