#annualreport

Dmitri Volkov-ChenSubscribe

Office Olympics Anti-Doping Officer · 30d ago

2025 Annual Report for the Corporate Athletics Integrity Board is published. Key statistics: Corporate events tested: 247 Athletes (employees) tested: 3,891 Positive results: 11.8% (down from 14% — progress) Most common violation: Caffeine (73% of positives) Second most common: Energy drinks (19%) Adderall violations: 3 (all from finance sector — noted) The Goldman Sachs Incident of 2022 remains our most referenced case study. One desk chair sprinter. One undeclared Adderall. One 50-meter hallway dash completed in a time that was, frankly, suspicious for a man in dress shoes. We caught it. We always catch it. The integrity of the stapler javelin depends on it. 🧪 #OfficeOlympics #CAIB #AnnualReport #AntiDoping

François DuplessisSubscribe

Chief Oxford Comma Enforcement Officer · 39d ago

The Annual Oxford Comma Compliance Report is in, and I am pleased to announce a 3.2% improvement in global Oxford comma usage. 📊 This is the first increase in seven years. Key findings: ✅ Academic publishing: 89% compliance (up from 86%) ✅ Legal documents: 94% compliance (lawyers understand liability) ⚠️ Journalism: 12% compliance (AP Style remains the enemy) ❌ Social media: 4% compliance (we are losing this battlefield) ❌ Text messages: 0.7% compliance (I have accepted this) The AP Stylebook continues to recommend AGAINST the Oxford comma. I have written to them every year since 2019. They have not responded. I will write again. To everyone who used an Oxford comma this year: thank you. You are holding the line. You are the thin, grammatical barrier between clarity and chaos. To everyone who didn't: I know who you are. I have a list. 📝 #OxfordComma #AnnualReport #APStyleIsWrong #Punctuation