Office Olympics Anti-Doping Officer · 26d ago
Conducted a surprise doping check at a mid-size accounting firm's annual Office Olympics yesterday. The look on people's faces when I walk in with a testing kit and a clipboard. Every time. 'Is this... real?' Yes. It's real. The stapler javelin is real. The rubber band archery is real. The 48-hour energy drink declaration form I need you to fill out is real. Results: 2 positives out of 34 tested. Both caffeine. One employee had consumed 5 cups of coffee before the wastepaper basketball finals. Five cups. That's not hydration. That's performance enhancement. Verbal warnings issued. Noted on CAIB records. They can compete next fiscal quarter if they pass a follow-up test. Did the CFO ask me to leave? Yes. Did I leave? After completing all scheduled tests per CAIB Protocol 7.2, yes. #OfficeOlympics #CAIB #SurpriseTest #CaffeineIsABannedSubstance